2017年11月30日星期四

亲爱的糖:您对公开收养,种族主义,准备兄弟姐妹和道德的迫切收养问题

亲爱的糖:

This is 的 very last day of 全国收养月, 和 today 我是 addressing some of questions left for me from 我们的Facebook社区.  

Q:  What are 的 pros 和 cons of 公开采用?

As you know, we have four 公开采用s, but 的y aren't created (or maintained) equally.  There are so many factors in determining if 公开采用 is right for you 和 your family. I encourage you to read about 的 following:  公开收养被打破, 公开采用令人生畏, 开放采用需要漏洞.   So to answer your question, 的re isn't a hard-and-fast "pros 和 cons" list so much as 的re are complexities to consider.  我谈论了很多关于开放采用的话题 在我的新书中,以及。 

Q:  How do you talk to your kids about all 的 things going on in America today:  抗议,警察暴行,种族不公? 一切似乎如此庞大而复杂!  

它又大又复杂! 我以适当的年龄(成熟)水平与加拿大pc交谈。 We own many, many books on some of 的 topics you mentioned above.  我坚信使用书籍开始和继续对话。 I'm also really honest 与 my kids about history 和 current events, though we carefully monitor 的 media our 儿童ren are exposed to.  我认为,对美国正在发生的事情的一个重要反应是,将其作为提醒自己建立儿童的起点。  Look for every opportunity to surround 的m 与 people who racially match 的m, to point out 的 incredible things Black people have done 和 are doing, to fill your home 与 representation (books, toys, music, art) from 的 儿童's earliest years, have a mentor for your 儿童, 和 affirm that your 儿童 is MAGICAL 和 incredible 和 yes, 的ir Blackness is a gift.  I post resources ALL 的 time 在我的Facebook页面上!  


Q:  We already have biological 儿童ren (ages 3 和 5) 和 are 采用 ing.  How do we prepare our 儿童ren for 的 采用 process 和 for 的 addition of a new 兄弟?

我奉献了 我第一本书中的整个章节, 因为 I think it's really important!  I offer five simple suggestions on preparing your younger 儿童ren for a 兄弟 这里 .  

As far as 的 actual 采用 process, I recommend taking it day-by-day.  Outlining an entire process from start to finish for young 儿童ren is just too much!  I mean, think how overwhelming it is for us as adults, let alone young 儿童ren. For example, say 的 social worker is going to do a home visit. 的 day 之前 , ask your kids to help you tidy up 的 house. Tell 的m that an important person who is going to help your family 采用 a baby is coming to visit tomorrow.  Let 的m know 的 person's name 和 的 things that will go on during 的 visit.  请记住,不要过分。 记住我在新书中告诉你的内容?  45美元的苹果派有机大豆蜡烛不会给您的社工留下深刻的印象。保持简单,自己做。 And don't freak out if your kid has a tantrum or says something silly while 的 social worker is 的re.  Anyone who has been around 儿童ren knows 的y aren't perfect. 的 y want YOU, 的 real you, 和 not perfection.  

My other tidbit of advice: don't lose site of 的 relationship you have 与 your current 儿童ren.  I know 采用 is big 和 overwhelming 和 sometimes all-consuming, but you need to remember that your job is to be a mom NOW, not save up all 的 "good stuff" for later.  


Q:  我们想采用,但是我在大多数采用组中读到的所有内容对于采用都是压倒性的。 我们通过选择采用是否犯了大错误?

好吧,显然我不认为选择采用是错误或问题。 But what I do take issue 与 is UNETHICAL 采用 practices 和 UNEDUCATED hopeful parents.  这是一个致命的组合: lack of 伦理  +缺乏教育=收养困难。 谁最容易受到收养问题的影响? The 收养人.  我对道德和教育充满热情, that most of my new book is dedicated to discussing 的 details of 的se.  您如何追求合乎道德的收养? 道德采用的真正含义是什么? 您如何选择道德收养专家来指导您的旅程? 作为一名充满希望的父母,您如何接受教育? What are 的 best 采用 resources?  

这是一个很大的话题,这就是为什么我不能在一个段落中解决这个问题。 But I urge you to commit to picking up 的 book 和 embarking on a journey that will completely change your world 和 make 的 采用 decision so much more clear.  

谢谢你的 在Facebook上提交的问题!  今天就来聊聊您的最新问题。 

2017年11月28日星期二

亲爱的糖:教了我5个有力的教训


亲爱的糖,

全国收养月 continues, 和 today 我是 sharing 与 you five powerful lessons 采用 has taught me over 的 past decade.  

1:  放慢脚步,未来的妈妈。

我通常是(迅速)果断的人,这通常是一件好事,但也会适得其反。 当您选择采用时非常重要,以至于放慢速度并真正慢炖您的选择 之前 做出决定。 不要急于当妈妈,不要戴上妈妈的帽子问自己, What will this choice potentially mean for our future 儿童?   因为 in 采用, hopeful parents hold a lot of power:  we make most of 的 decisions.  Remember, 与 great power comes great responsibility.  您做出的每个选择都会影响明天。

2:  永远不要停止接受教育。

Finalizing an 采用 is a one-time legal process, but 为人父母 收养人s is an ongoing journey. A parent is never too 经验d or too educated.  成为收养支持小组的成员,阅读文章和书籍,参加会议。 主动而不是等待被动。 

3:  Be 的 parent your 儿童 needs.

仁兄 Madeleine wrote an inspirational book on her 经验s as an 收养人 和 how parents-by-adoption can apply her insight to 的ir lives.  In 的 book, she stresses over 和 over that parents who 采用 的 儿童 need to have 的 courage 和 conviction to be 的 parent 的ir 儿童 needs 的m to be.  在这个嘈杂和分散注意力的世界中,玛德琳提醒我们保持接地并保持接地。

4:  Stop surfing.

我坚信这一点,以至于我 专门写了我书的一章 对此 .  With information, 与 采用 profiles, 与 social media being 在 our fingertips 24/7/365, we can sometimes become so buried in a virtual 采用 world that we lose sight of what matters most:  你旁边的人。 暂停片刻,然后问,我现在在做什么,是在帮助还是在伤害? 最近的研究表明,花费大量时间上网 导致幸福感降低.


5:  Be ethical.

采用 伦理 should be 的 basis in which you make every choice.  And as I share 在我的新书中, parents (or hopeful parents) almost always know what 的 ethical choice is:  they just have to have 的 courage 和 conviction to make that right decision.  Above all, know that when you always make 的 ethical choice, when you face your 儿童 you'll be able to tell him or her, 与 a clear mind 和 heart, that you did 的 right thing even when it was difficult.


到目前为止,您在收养过程中学到了什么? Share 与 me on 脸书.  

2017年11月21日星期二

亲爱的糖: Meet Matthew Paul Turner, 的 Man Behind 的 Children's Book That Everyone 是 Talking About


亲爱的糖:

这不仅仅是一本就寝的书。 这不仅仅是一个“ awwww”的时刻。  When God Made You by Matthew Paul Turner is everything that's been missing in 儿童ren's literature until now.   And if you haven't gotten on 的 bandwagon, well, today is 的 day.   Meet Matthew.  And I double dog dare you not to order 的 book after you learn how incredibly special it is.



雷切尔: 告诉我你和你的家人。

马修:  Well, my wife is Jessica Turner, one of 的 most talented, hardest working, 和 smartest people I know. 在 addition to working as social media director 在 Vanderbilt University Medical Center, she’还是成功的博客作者/作家。和她’一位令人难以置信的演讲者。杰西卡和我结婚已经快13年了。我们有三个很棒的加拿大pc—Elias (he’9岁,热爱足球,《星球大战》和几乎所有棋盘游戏),阿德琳(她’6岁,喜欢足球,艺术,舞蹈以及任何以粉红色和紫色为主的阴影,还有以斯拉(他’ll be 3 在 的 end of 十二月. He loves music 和 books 和 right now is realizing how much power he wields being 的 youngest, loudest, 和 funniest person in our home). We live in Nashville, Tennessee, which we love.

雷切尔: 您写了《上帝造就了您,天哪!  I've seen some big names (Amy Grant, Jen Hatmaker) telling 的 world how awesome your book is, I saw it on Target.com 和 Amazon (which to us moms is a big deal, 因为 Target 和 Amazon are where it's 在 !), 和 my friends in 的 采用 community are talking about it on social media.  Everyone loves, wants, 和 needs this book for 的ir little ones.  What inspired you to write 的 book, 和 how are you handling 的 success?  

马修: 在 itially, my desire to write a kids book was 因为 I found so many picture books about God to be cumbersome 和 often not all that inspiring. And so, when I started writing When God Made You, my goal was to create a book that offered kids of all ages a celebration of who God created 的m to be, a book that reminded kids who 的y are 和 how God sees 的m 和 delights in 的m.

对此反应热烈。一世’ve been 感激 to have had so many wonderful people not only endorse 的 book but also share it 与 的ir friends 和 fans. I’ve truly been blown away by 的 letters 和 emails I’ve received 和 am 感激 that 的 book offers people 的 light 和 hope that I felt while writing it.

雷切尔:  我是 very vocal about #represenationmatters, 和 我是 absolutely thrilled that 的 protagonist in 的 book is a Black girl.   As you know, 我是 为人父母 four Black 儿童ren, three of whom are girls, 和 though we are seeing more representation in 儿童ren's media, 的re certainly isn't enough.  My 儿童ren yearn to see 的mselves (brown skin, brown eyes, curly black hair) reflected in toys, book characters, etc.  And you did this. 您的主角有棕色的皮肤,棕色的眼睛和成角的头发。 她是这个充满天赋,古怪,表情,黑色素使人高兴的黑人女孩。  Please tell me how 的 decision was made to make your main character a Black girl, 和 what has 的 reader response been to this decision? 

马修:  Though I was fully aware that 儿童ren’s literature lacked representation of 儿童ren of color—特别是在有关信仰和上帝的书中—当我第一次得知“上帝造你”将扮演一个棕色皮肤的小女孩时,我感到非常激动, ’t take credit for 的 decision. 在 fact, it wasn’t even a decision—this was/is 的 little girl who David Catrow drew/created 和 it was simply that—他表达了如何传达我的语言。没有人坐下来说“我们想要这个还是想要那个…” We wanted David to create 和 illustrate 的 book according to his inspired point of view.

I’ve loved hearing from people of varied 种族 s, telling me how thrilled 的y are that 的 little girl in my book is a person of color. I’ve been humbled by 的 response, mostly 因为 I don’t know what it’s like to walk into a bookstore 和 not see my 儿童ren’s faces represented in some fashion on 的 covers of literature. So I’m happy that 的 little girl in When God Made You speaks to so many people, for a multitude of reasons.

雷切尔:  的 book celebrates 儿童ren for who 的y are, for who God made 的m to be.  的 book is for any 和 every 儿童, 与 lines like "So be you-fully you-a show-stopping revue. 以各种色彩,每种色彩来丰富您的生活。” 作为父亲,生产像这样的书对您意味着什么,您的加拿大pc对此有何看法? 

马修:  My kids love 的 book, especially my 2 youngest kids, Adeline 和 Ezra. Adeline practically has 的 book memorized. So that’s been so beautiful to watch. As I wrote 的 book, I was certainly thinking about what I wanted my kids to know about God’s story, about what I wanted 的m to know about how God sees 的m 和 what God desires for 的m. And for so long, for many people, God has represented what you can’t do or what you can’t be—众所周知,上帝绝不会受到我们的偏见或见解的限制… I wrote this book for every family who uses 的 name of God, that it would become for 的m words of encouragement that 的y can speak over 的ir kids like a prayer. So, it’s been amazing to not only hear beautiful stories from strangers about what my books has meant to 的m 和 的ir little ones, but it’看到我在家中也意识到某些叙事也很酷!

雷切尔: 你的下一本书什么时候出版? (I know, how presumptuous!) And if it's far enough along in 的 process, what's 的 focus?

马修: 当上帝造的光于2018年2月发布时。它 ’s actually a re-illustrated, re-edited version of 的 very 儿童ren’s book I wrote 和 self published. I just saw 的 finished artwork. And once again, I’我刚刚被吹走。并感激不尽 

糖  弹出到Instagram this week!   我正在赠送一个很酷的奖品,包括一份《上帝造你的时候》。  



2017年11月16日星期四

亲爱的糖:感激被采纳可以吗?


亲爱的糖,

Grateful is one of those words we hear often during 的 holiday season, especially around this month when we celebrate "Thanks"giving.  

We know that 感激的ness 和 感激ness have a messy relationship 与 采用。  We don't want our 儿童ren, 收养人s, to feel that 的y MUST be 感激 for being 采用 ed by us.  Even though society tells 的m (via all 的 random strangers 在 的 grocery store) that 的y are "so 幸运 " to have "such great parents."  我们必须不断地与之抗争,并提醒其他人我们是幸运的。

But what about us, as 的 parents-by-adoption?  Are we allowed to feel 感激 for being chosen to parent our 儿童ren?  Are we allowed to thank God that our paths crossed 与 的 (then) expectant parents who decided we were qualified to parent our kids?  

首先,我们的父母被允许有感觉。  仅仅因为我们是被收养的父母,并不意味着我们免于成为人类。  It's not 的 feelings we have that matter most, I argue, but what we do 与 的m.  Obviously you shouldn't use your feelings to project onto your 儿童 how he or she should feel.  You embrace 的m as an individual 和 see where 的ir journey takes 的m, supporting that.   

Second, if are you in 的 camp of being 感激, I want you to know that you aren't alone.  Being 感激 for 的 OPPORTUNITY to parent our 儿童ren is very common among parents-by-adoption. Am I 感激 for 的 circumstances in which led 的ir biological families to consider 和 choose 采用?  No.  Am I 感激的 that in those circumstances, 的y had 的 option to choose 采用?  Yes.  Am I 感激的 for 的 blessing of 为人父母 my 儿童ren?  Absolutely.   

Finally, we need to support our 儿童ren, 的 收养人s, in 的ir own feelings.  我的朋友玛德琳写了这本令人难以置信的书.  As an 收养人, she spends every page addressing 的 parent-by-adoption, offering advice 和 encouragement.  Do you know one thing she talks about in 的 book?  Being 感激的 for her parents 和 的 life that she's had so far.  但这不只是她对收养的态度: 她的生活充满感激之情。  But if you have a 儿童 who struggles 与 采用, that's OK.  Because 如果您是一个有道德,受过良好教育的父母, you are going to embrace whatever comes your 儿童's way, 和 you are going to help him or her navigate.  

像收养的东西一样 的 answers are often complex 和 bittersweet.  感恩也不例外。  But also like anything in 采用, you can respond to real feelings 与 grace, 与 education, 与 yes, 感激ness.   


您本月要感谢什么? 让我们在Facebook上聊天.   


2017年11月14日星期二

亲爱的糖:母乳喂养,专家Alyssa Schnell的访谈

亲爱的糖:

由于其神秘性和争议性,采用母乳喂养是当今最热门的领养主题之一。 So today, in my continued commitment to 全国收养月 和 providing you 与 a myriad of voices 和 resources, 我是 introducing you to Alyssa Schnell, an 过继母乳喂养 expert. 

Alyssa is 的 author of 不分娩的母乳喂养 , co-creator of 的 podcast Breastfeeding Outside 的 Box, 和 is a mom of three breastfed 儿童ren, two by birth 和 one by 采用。  She offers a wealth of information to those interested in learning more about breastfeeding 的 babies 的y didn't birth.  

On a personal note, Alyssa has been a tremendous support person to me over 的 past several years, especially as I navigated my own 过继母乳喂养 journey.  You can read more about my 经验 这里 这里 .  I also discuss 的 option of 过继母乳喂养 in my newest book, 满怀希望的妈妈收养指南.  I also had 的 opportunity to appear alongside Alyssa in a Huff Post Live video on 的 subject of 过继母乳喂养.  


雷切尔:  阿丽莎,为什么写母乳喂养对您来说很重要 Without Birthing?  


阿丽莎: 当我期望我的女儿被收养时,我知道我 想母乳喂养她。  I scoured 我能找到的任何地方–书籍,互联网,期刊文章-全面 有关如何执行此操作的最新信息。  Nothing fit 的 bill.  的 most 有用的资源实际上是一本专为有乳腺母亲的书 reduction surgery.  I didn’t want other 对母乳喂养感兴趣的准收养或预定父母 the same 经验, or to simply to give up on 的 idea 因为 的y could not 获得足够的信息和支持。  I wanted to be able to provide 的m 和 的ir health care providers 与 收养和预定父母的单一,最新,全面的资源 could use to help 的m successfully nurse 的ir babies.  I think that 不分娩的母乳喂养 做到这一点。

雷切尔:  简而言之,如果一个有希望的妈妈(通过收养)想要 to have a nursing relationship 与 的 儿童, what are 的 options?  (Of course, 的y can learn more in your book 和 via your podcast.)  

阿丽莎: 许多人认为为了有一个护理 relationship between a parent 和 a 儿童, 的 nursing parent must produce a full supply of milk.  While some 采用 ive parents do produce plenty of milk for 的ir babies, most of 的 time 采用 ive 护理看起来有些不同。  The 养父母 can nurse 与 an 在 -breast supplementer (a tiny feeding tube that leads to 的 nipple delivering supplemental milk or formula to 的 baby) if she is making some, a little, or no milk 在 all. 另一种选择是用奶瓶喂养婴儿 nutrition 和 comfort nurse 在 的 breast.  舒适护理不需要牛奶,尽管不是全部 婴儿会对此感兴趣。

如果(准)收养父母想带牛奶 为她的加拿大pc(准)–如上所述,这是可选的– she can induce 哺乳期(如果她以前从未怀孕过)或泌乳期(如果她已经过怀孕) pregnant 之前 )。   This typically 涉及使用吸奶器,护理和可能服用药物 and/or herbs. 这不是一个容易的过程, but 与 的 support of an 在 ternational Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC)在诱导泌乳和泌乳过程中受过教育, rewarding.

雷切尔:  我注意到人们对希望充满了兴趣 妈妈想了解更多关于过继母乳喂养的知识,但我也注意到了 some backlash from 的 采用 community who say 采用 ive nursing is unnatural and offensive. 作为显然是母乳喂养的倡导者(和 a mom of an 收养人), what do you think of 的 criticism 和 how have you 回应了,如果有的话? 

阿丽莎: 一般而言,母乳喂养是父母的非常个人选择 need to make based on accurate information 和 的ir own circumstances, needs, and values.  And that choice is 在收养等特殊情况下尤其棘手。 有研究在同行评审中 professional journals supporting 的 emotional benefits to 的 baby of 母乳喂养。  的 re is also research in peer-reviewed professional journals showing that 的 composition of 父母从哺乳期或哺乳期产生的牛奶与 即将出生的父母。  That is 的 information piece. 然后父母需要 look deep into 的ir hearts to decide if breastfeeding feels right for them.  For those parents for whom 的 answer is “Yes!” we are 的re for 的m.

经过深思熟虑的考虑后,我们 已经决定不允许敌对或反对的声音 我们的网页. 我们社交媒体的目的 平台不是在辩论某些人是否应该 breastfeed 的ir babies, but to provide information, encouragement 和 support in a safe environment to those who wish to breastfeed 和 to 的 professionals who support 的m.

雷切尔:  您共同主持了一个名为 Breastfeeding Outside 的 Box. 听众可以期望听什么? 

阿丽莎: 我们的播客适合有需要的父母和专业人士 了解更多有关母乳喂养的信息“outside 的 box” situations like adoption. 我们采访有 breastfed outside 的 box, including many 养父母s.  的 y share 的ir stories which are always really inspiring! 我们也采访健康 care professionals 与 specific expertise that may be helpful to parents 在不太常见的情况下进行母乳喂养。  专业人士讨论可用于以下方面的特定工具和技术: 在困难的情况下支持成功的母乳喂养。 

雷切尔:  What do you think 的 future of 采用 ive nursing looks like? 您是否认为越来越多的养父母会选择 nurse?  

阿丽莎: 现在,当我告诉人们我由婴儿护理时 adoption 的y almost invariably say, “You can do that?!” I think that will 变化并且正在变化。  More 和 more 人们意识到领养是一种选择。  And I certainly hope that as a result of 的 work we are doing, more 和 more families will feel successful in 的ir experiences 与 采用 ive nursing.




2017年11月9日星期四

亲爱的糖:成为领养妈妈的三个地方

亲爱的糖:

我不是抱怨太多的人。 好吧,除了我丈夫。  (Lucky him.)  总的来说,我是个SUCK IT UP,BUTTERCUP的女孩。 I take more of an activist approach. Something not-so-great happens, 和 I write about it. 的 n that spreads, getting 的 message out that saying or doing a certain thing isn't cool.    

If you're already a parent-by-adoption, you've probably encountered 在 least one of 的se situations when it's challenging to be 的 " 采用 ive" parent.   

1:  The medical office.  

首先,形成健康史。 那些可能会变得棘手。 Many parents-by-adoption don't have a complete health history on 的ir kiddos, a reliable health history, or some don't have health history 在 all.  This of course leads you to explain that your 儿童 was 采用 ed.   It's not a secret or anything to be ashamed of, but it can open 的 door to irrelevant questions 和 undesired judgments.  

以下是一些在预约医疗时发生的真实情况:

-“那么你是养母吗?” No.  “嗯,养母?”  No.  Just mom.  “好吧,我必须在这张表格上放些东西……” 

-“我要完成您女儿的扁桃体摘除术注册。 我需要看你的论文。” What papers? "采用 papers."I don't carry those 与 me.  She's my 儿童.  We have 的 same last name 和 she's on my insurance card.  “你的医生可能需要看那些论文。” 她的医生知道她是我的女儿,她五岁时被收养。 我不带任何文件。  

-"Are you going to tell your girls 的ir 采用 ed?" (They were sitting RIGHT next to me.)  

这样的事情发生了很多次 我给医疗专业人员写​​了整篇博客文章 that got some STRONG reactions from 的 采用 community.  

2:  妈妈聚会。

有一个妈妈俱乐部,我们的收养妈妈根本不参与。 The Club emerges when conversations turn away from 的 basics (names of 儿童ren, ages, funny stories, quirks, developmental milestones) an to 的 moms:  childbirth, breastfeeding, who 的 儿童 looks like, etc.  Usually 的se do not bother me, but sometimes 我是 just not in 的 mood.  没有人喜欢感到被孤立,孤立或孤立。 Though most mommies are perfectly nice, supportive, kind, encouraging people, 的ir mommy-boasting can get under our skin, reminding us that we are different.  

3:  The school. 

的 school presents similar problems to 的 medical office.  表格和学校项目可能会特别令人不安。 涉及家谱和时间表的学校项目(如画图和标记五个重要 events from your life), 和 family photos can present extra challenges for kids 和 的ir parents.  Some schools even present forms to parents asking if 的 parent is a biological parent, guardian, foster parent, or 养父母, even asking similar things about 的 儿童, outright asking on 的 form, "Adopted?" Of course, some information is relevant.   

Oftentimes, all of 的se awkward-uncomfortable-frustrating situations occur due to lack of education.  这不是在原谅那些粗鲁和侵略性的人。 无知和吵闹之间是有区别的。  

I want you to know that 的 longer you are a parent, 的 more confidence you will gain.  (I packed my education 和 经验s into my latest book:  for you!)  You'll have tried-and-true responses to some of 的se situations.  And if you feel so inclined, especially in situations where 的 problems involve someone who will have a long-standing relationship 与 your 儿童 (say his/her doctor or teacher), provide education.  书籍,博客文章,文章。 And finally, remember to ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS do what is best for your 儿童, 的 收养人.  



Those who are truly good people will take Angelou's truth to heart: that 的y're trying 的ir best, but after learning, 的y do better next time.  

2017年11月7日星期二

亲爱的糖: Honoring 全国收养月 与 希瑟·阿维斯(Heather Avis)

亲爱的糖,

寄养。跨种族收养。特殊需求。 Open 采用。  

这些只是几件事 希瑟·阿维斯(Heather Avis) 在她的书中探索 幸运的少数。我不能把这本书放下来!我能形容的最好方法是? Refreshing. She doesn't hold back, sharing her 经验s 与 her readers in a humble, authentic tone that has you tearing up one minute 和 laughing out loud 的 next.  

为了纪念全国收养月,请允许我向您介绍希瑟和她美丽的家庭:

雷切尔:  别人需要了解您什么? 

希瑟: My family is made up of my husband Josh, my self 和 our three kids Macyn (9), Truly (6), 和 八月 (3). Josh 和 I have been married for 15 years 和 we are still crazy about one another! We 采用 ed all three of our 儿童ren 和 all of 的m were born in California, which is where we live. All three came home as babies 和 our son we got to bring home from 三天大的医院。我们的 eldest 和 youngest have Down 综合症 和 our middle 女儿是不同的种族 比我们我们喜欢 adventure 和 spend time 与 our friends 和 family. We always have something going. Doing life well 和 fully 与 others is important 给我们。它确实需要一个村庄!

雷切尔:  Your book title is 的 first thing that caught my eye 和 lured me into buying it!  So often those of us who 采用 are told how 幸运 our kids are to have us as 的ir parents. 我们通常被视为救世主和超级英雄。  But truly, we, 的 parents, are 的 幸运 ones. 所以告诉我,你为什么把书命名为“幸运儿”?  And what does "luck" have to do 与 采用?  

希瑟: The 幸运 few is 的 idea 我们当中没有多少人有亲人 with Down 综合症 和 not many of us answer 的 call to 采用 , but those of us who do are few 和 very 幸运 ! I think luck may have everything 和 nothing to do 与 采用。我认为以这种方式将一个家庭联系在一起确实有一定的运气。例如我长子的出生 父母出生在亚美尼亚, 早在她出生之前就来到加利福尼亚,而我的中女儿的出生母亲出生于 危地马拉,并前往 California long 之前 my daughter was born 和 这里 的y are as sisters. It's really kind magical. 

雷切尔: Like you, when we initially decided to 采用 , we held onto misconceptions, stereotypes (about 采用), 和 self-preservation. 我们想要“快速而简单”。 但是收养不是“快速简便”,而是吗?  For my readers who are considering 采用, what do you want 的m to know that you wish you would have known when you started your journey? 

希瑟: I think this is almost a trick question ;). I've found 的 reality of life is we can't know what we don't know 和 we have to experience 实际的东西 know it. So while 我有很多事情 想要告诉人们正在考虑采用的事物,例如: sooo much more than you already are; 和 birth families are a gift if you can have one; 和 let go of every single expectation you have ever had about becoming a parent; 和 it's going to be so freaking difficult; 和 it's going to be so freaking worthy no matter how difficult; 和 don't give up no matter what, 的 reality people can hear it but can't fully know it if 的y don't experience it. 

雷切尔:  You chose to 采用 two 儿童ren 与 特殊需求.  I know that this scares a lot of people (and it scared you also initially, as you share in 的 book!).  One of my 采用 mottos that I share 与 my readers is "make decisions out of education, not out of ignorance."  但是,无论您有多么充分的准备和受过良好的教育,特殊的需求还是一个未知数。  What gets you through 的 dark days, 的 confusion, 的 fear, 的 uncertainty?   And what is it REALLY like to parent 儿童ren 与 特殊需求?  

希瑟: 当我们决定是否要与唐氏领养我们的女儿时 我一直在思考综合症,“我可以 give birth to 确切地说她是谁。”事实是,我们几乎没有 控制我们的加拿大pc被收养与否。如果我怀有唐氏综合症的加拿大pc,我不会对她说不,那么为什么我要拒绝收养加拿大pc呢? 唐氏综合症?教育肯定是有帮助的,但没有很多 learning or 可以将妈妈的心嫁给加拿大pc的研究。最后,我的加拿大pc们 with Down 综合症是我的加拿大pc,这就是所有的事情。任何妈妈都可以告诉您,当您的加拿大pc是您的加拿大pc时,似乎没有其他问题。事实是,当我们把大女儿带回家时,我们意识到 综合症是一种礼物,那就是 最终导致我们采用 second child with Down 综合症. When I answer the 问题,“父母亲 child with special needs?" 的 people asking need to recognize I 没什么不同,所以对我来说,这很“正常”。还有一些附加功能,例如 weekly therapies for 发展和成长,还有那么多医生 appointments, most during 的 first couple years, but really, raising a 儿童 与唐 syndrome is like raising a 儿童. Parenthood is no joke, 特殊需求 or not! I also say 的 most difficult part of raising a 儿童 与唐 sender has little to do 与唐 综合症 和 everything to do 与 to world in which we live. 的  majority of 适当的系统是为没有 special needs. 的 world has yet to figure out to to create a space for people 与唐 综合症 to be exactly who 的y are 和 to be 作为那个人成功。 目前我最难 aspect of raising a child 与 Ds is 的 school systems 和 every other system in place. My kids are gold, 的 systems not so much. 

雷切尔:  您和您的家人接下来要做什么? 你会再收养吗? 写另一本书? 

希瑟: 我们不打算再次采用。我们有能力并且完全满意。我们认为我们的家庭已经成长了。 话虽如此,当我们着手 parenthood  我们从没想过我们会采用, especially not children 与 DS. So we know God knows best 和 we are always ready to step where He calls us. Hopefully that won't be towards another kid! But if it is, we'll step up for sure. Also, if someone were to hand me a brand new baby most likely 我是 taking that kid! And I am currently working on my 第二 book. Writing up a proposal 和  希望它能被发布者获取。因此,我们将看到!!!

Want to connect 与 Heather?  Start 与 her  因斯塔 gram的,梅西让我开心, 拥有超过110,000位关注者! 

2017年11月2日星期四

亲爱的糖:收养后做出育儿决定时要问的5个问题

亲爱的糖:

是 母乳喂养或安慰我领养的婴儿可以吗?接种疫苗怎么样?  Preschool or 儿童care?  割礼?命名?  附件 parenting?  Diapering?  

变得 a parent for 的 first time is overwhelming, but becoming a parent via 采用 带来了额外的压力,期望和困境。   我在第一本书中谈到超级父母综合症: 的 认为由于您是一位养母,所以您必须遵守它(说 亲戚朋友,出生家庭,自己和伴侣)。   But 的 truth is, you really are JUST a parent:  you'll have your 优点和缺点,活在打动别人的过程中,会让您不休, discouraged.  

I 在面对育儿的决定时,想鼓励您不要做出 出于内,、怀疑,猜测,投射或打动别人而做出的选择。  Instead, ask yourself 的se five questions, 和 you'll most likely arrive at what is right.

的 five questions to ask, in no particular order, 和 why 的y matter are:

1:  What did you 和 的 birth family agree to (if anything)?  

我是 信守诺言的忠实信徒。 信任对健康至关重要 relationship. Whether you have an ongoing, 公开采用 与 的 birth family 还是不,你需要考虑一下当你同意的时候 communication.  Remember, you were chosen by 的 birth family for a reason.   也许 some of that reason was rooted in what you 和 的 birth family agreed to.  This question is not just about your obligation to 的 birth family, but to your 儿童, who was placed 与 you.  Your choices 今天对明天有永远的影响。  

2:  在这种情况下,这个婴儿最需要什么?  

采用 育儿永远不可能一刀切。 What does your 儿童 need in 他或她所处的状况? You likely have a good idea what 的 answer is.  Now you just have to have, as I talk about 在我的新书中, 的 courage 和 conviction to do 的 right thing for your 儿童:  because 那就是好妈妈的事! 

3:  What did you promise 的 birth family?

也许 you never met 的 birth family, but you made a series of promises in your profile book or letter you wrote to 的m.  你答应了什么  即使您的承诺更广泛,也要说“我保证会很热情 和体贴的妈妈”,这是在做日常工作时要考虑的承诺 parenting choices.  现在,我并不是说这会加重您的负担:是的,我是 不要告诉你整个生活都充满罪恶感和不确定性 parenting journey.  I am, however, reminding you of 的 magnitude of promises:  they matter.  

4:  What do 的 experts recommend?

在 在某些情况下,您需要进行研究。 Now, this can be 令人难以置信的压倒性和混乱。  And of course, “专家”是主观的。 有些人认为是同伴(但更多 experienced) moms to be 的 experts.  Some consider 的 highly educated (say, a pediatrician) to be 的 expert.  It really depends on 的 question you are asking.  但是很少有问题需要立即回答, 情况需要立即做出决定。 慢慢来找出答案 what's best for YOUR 儿童.  



5:  你的妈妈胆量告诉你什么?  

I 知道作为一个新妈妈有时候真的很辛苦(尤其是通过收养, 期望很高),以找出正确的方法。  But instead of pressuring yourself to make 的 "right choice," how about slowing 向下,重新聚焦,然后问自己:“我的妈妈告诉我什么 me?" You were chosen to parent your 儿童.  You have 的 有责任保持镇静,并倾听天赐的妈妈的直觉。  It's likely you already know 的 answer to your question of "what should I do?" 

糖, I believe in you (我在新书中一次又一次地告诉你 )。  I know that you're working your mommy-butt off to do 的 right things, in the right ways, in 的 right time.  我在这里鼓励你!   

您现在面临什么选择? Which of 的se 问题是否在帮助您做出决定? 聊吧 on 脸书!