Showing posts 与 label 幸运的少数. 显示所有帖子
Showing posts 与 label 幸运的少数. 显示所有帖子

2019年1月8日星期二

减少加拿大pc焦虑的6种方法

So you know that I typically write about 采用, but today, I need to talk about something that impacts A LOT of women, and often women in 的 采用 community.    

我们花费大量时间担心和等待。 我们经常生活在混乱,沮丧,精疲力竭的漫长季节中。 当然,焦虑。   




只要我记得,我就一直感到焦虑,这意味着在加拿大pc方面,我的焦虑情绪会进一步加剧。 在我的一生中,我听到过以下内容:

-放手,放开上帝
-服用冷丸
-冷静
-您只需要有更多的信念
-没关系

让我说清楚一件事: 当你有焦虑时,你不能仅仅“吸吮它”。 焦虑会使人衰弱。  

现在在艰难的环境中焦虑并不一定意味着 你有焦虑。 有不同类型的临床焦虑症。  但是,情境焦虑在等待领养的人中很普遍。

我不会去玩。  There are no superficial suggestions here like, just have a "spa day" 与 a friend, or jet off to Hawaii, or meditate.  Yes, a spa day, a fab vaca, or meditation might be able to help, but my goal is to provide you 与 practical (and from my 经验) help.  

For more ideas, I explore 的 "waiting to adopt" phase in depth in 满怀希望的妈妈加拿大pc指南

1: 列出什么有帮助。

这应该是 个性化 list of 的 things you can do to stay focused on peace, joy, patience, and thankfulness instead of on worry and control. 键入此列表并将其张贴在可见的地方。  And 的n refer to it often!   我保证,这会很有帮助。   我称我的名单为“当焦虑症获胜时”。以下是m清单上的一些启发您入门的东西: 

-在阳光明媚的日子外出,呼吸新鲜空气

-schedule a coffee date 与 a trusted girlfriend

-喝绿色或 白茶 或采取 茶氨酸

-避免社交媒体( 为什么的解释)

-听我最喜欢的充满活力或平静的音乐(取决于我的心情)

-在家里整理东西

-散发精油(我更喜欢橙色的能量或香草来镇静)或轻盈 最喜欢的蜡烛

-重复最喜欢的圣经经文




2:  Seek 的 guidance of an 采用 competent counselor.

并非所有人都会被领养,因此,如果您选择接受咨询,我敦促您要挑剔!  

在我最近的乳腺癌之旅中,咨询对我来说是一个大奖。  My 焦虑 was 在 an all-time high, and it seemed like nothing I was doing was "enough" to tame 的 beast. 我需要认知行为策略。   

最近, I learned of 的 container exercise - -调查它!  Very helpful to "contain" whatever 采用 issues you are wrestling 与, 的 ones keeping you up 在 night.   

Counseling is great because it's an "outside party" who can listen to you 与out judgement and offer suggestions and exercises you can do to help your 焦虑.  

3: 加入加拿大pc支持小组和/或创建一个 加拿大pc“村”。

The more perspectives you have, 的 better. 一个伟大的采用支持小组将 所有黑社会成员, inviting everyone into 的 conversation. 它应该是一个开放,欢迎的地方,您可以在其中提问和获得答复。   

有人问我,在线支持小组如何?  I love that online groups bring about different triad members from all over 的 world. 我喜欢您可以随意参加,也可以坐下来阅读。   However, 的re are some drawbacks: 发布任何私人信息意味着很多人可以访问该信息。 在线加拿大pc小组中往往有很多戏剧。   These groups also tend to have a few strong voices that dominate 的 group's discussion and direction.   

因此,我想说的是,请您自行决定加入,并记住那没什么,我是说 没有什么比面对面,手牵手,心连心的关系更有用,更美丽.   因此,如果您从事在线支持,请同时考虑个人对个人的支持(更重要的是)。  




4:  Get educated.

Oftentimes, 的 source of 采用 焦虑 is ignorance, meaning, a lack of knowledge.  For example, perhaps your social worker has given you a checklist in which you must say what type of 采用 you will or will not consider including 跨种族的 采用, older 儿童 采用, and 特殊需求 采用.   

您想要快速标记为“否”,因为您很害怕。 你被吓到了。 您有上百万个问题,但感觉太冻结而无法寻求答案。   但是答案正是您做出有根据的,自信的决定所需要的。

I have talked to SO many 养父母s who stepped out in faith, after getting educated, and have 的 儿童ren 的y do BECAUSE 的y chose to learn, listen, and say "yes."  If you've read 幸运的少数 (如果还没有,请这样做!),您确切地知道我在说什么。 

Personally, we swiftly marked "white" on 的 race openness during our first 采用. 经过一年的等待,我们正在重新评估自己的开放性,我记得我看着丈夫说:“我们为什么不开放比赛?”  We spent four months in 的 trenches of 跨种族的 采用 education (and that was just 的 beginning...we have NEVER stopped our 跨种族的 采用 education):  meeting 与 跨种族的 families, reading books/blogs/articles, talking for HOURS every single night about race, and more.  After those four months, our eyes were opened to 的 fact that not only 我们可以跨种族地采用吗,但我们已准备好这样做。  Of course, 经验 IS 的 best teacher, but 的re's a lot to be said for proactively preparing.  

Our daughter was born and placed 与 us shortly after. 现在,我们育有四个异族加拿大pc者。   

5: 注意未来可能发生的挣扎,并做好准备。

同样,积极主动是非常明智的选择!  After 采用, some women 经验 领养后抑郁.   A particularly difficult 采用 might lead a mama to 经验 PTSD.   (I shared three trauma 经验s you can explore here:  part 1, part 2part 3.) 

I don't throw 的se around lightly, and I'm not a medical expert.  However, I have engaged 与 thousands of 养父母s:  and struggling 与 an 采用 before and during is common, and 的 struggle often amplifies after 的 采用, manifesting in post-traumatic stress (though it may or may not extend to PTSD) or 萧条.  

您现在如何准备?  Constantly "check in" 与 how your're feeling and doing.  A counselor (see point #2) can help you 与 this. Also, learn about 领养后抑郁 和创伤。  If you end up experiencing either of 的se, you will be able to recognize 的m and seek help sooner rather than later.  

6: 不要暂停你的生活。

您永远不会知道要花多长时间。  One of 的 worst mistakes a woman can make is to put her life on hold (AKA:  put her joy, time, peace, energy, etc. on vacation) while she waits for "的 call."  

等待加拿大pc是投资新兴趣,与伴侣“约会”,整理家中事物,甚至准备托儿所,进行职业工作,度过梦想假期,提高健身常规的绝佳时机等  

坚持只会增加您的焦虑感!  If you bank everything on "when 的 baby comes," I've got news for you:  once 的 baby comes, you will have way less time, energy, and money. 做父母很难!   它需要很多人。 这是一个转变,需要大量调整。   这是一个值得欢迎的奇妙转变,但这很难。   







2018年7月3日,星期二

9本加拿大pc妈妈必读的以加拿大pc为主题的书

Summer is in full swing, and one of my goals is to fall back in love 与 reading!  This stemmed from my stint 与 breast cancer last summer (I cannot even...) and 的n stumbling upon an article that shared 的 fact that reading drastically reduces stress, just like yoga and meditation can!  

I've always loved a good book, but 与 four kids, silence is very rare.  And honestly, silence usually indicates 的 kids are up to no good!  




但是,由于是夏天,我们已经重新建立 家庭读书之夜 which is 的 perfect opportunity for us to ALL pull out a good book, cozy up in our pjs, and have some popcorn.   


这是您今年夏天必须阅读的一些以加拿大pc为主题的新书!  ***Click on 的 pic of 的 book to read reviews and purchase***



Far From 的 Tree (Robin Benway)  - fiction




我的几个追随者向我推荐了这本书。 从技术上讲,这是一本年轻的成人小说(我现在非常喜欢,包括安吉·托马斯(Angie Thomas)的书,我已经为不同的人购买了三本书作为礼物),这本书探讨了成为被加拿大pc人,亲生父母,团圆和同胞的情况。  

幸运儿(希瑟·阿维斯)-非小说类
 我非常喜欢这本书 I interviewed 的 author 关于它。  希瑟·阿维斯(Heather Avis)' memoir focuses on adopting her three kids, one 跨种族的ly and two 与 特殊需求. 她还谈到损失,倚靠上帝和公开加拿大pc。 我发现自己在加引号的地方加了几段以供以后参考。 




埃莉诺·奥利芬特(Eleanor Oliphant)完全没事(盖尔·霍尼曼(Gail Honeyman))  - fiction




Eleanor struggles 与 social skills, and she thrives on predictability and routine.   然后她遇到了两个大大改变了她的世界的男人。   埃莉诺(Eleanor)在创伤中幸存下来,并有严重的妈妈问题。  I couldn't put this book down, as I fell more and more in love 与 的 characters and both 的ir tragedies and triumphs. 这本书将被拍成电影,由里斯·威瑟斯彭(Reese Witherspoon)制作。




过继的 父母: 您现在需要从被加拿大pc者那里知道的事情(Madeleine Melcher)-非小说类




I'm totally obsessed 与 this book, and for good reason.  It's really easy to get "down in 的 dumps" about 采用, especially if you spend a lot of time online.  There were times I truly believed my 儿童ren were doomed and I was a failure as a mother. 与其投入我的精力去阅读负面的加拿大pc帖子,我选择拿起Madeleine的书并得到鼓励! 玛德琳(Madeleine)是一位被加拿大pc者,也是一位领养母亲,她知道自己在说什么!  




孤儿的故事(Pam Jenoff)  -fiction



当诺亚被迫放弃婴儿(父亲是纳粹士兵)时,年仅16岁。  After discovering a train car full of Jewish babies, Noa takes on and goes on 的 run, eventually joining a German circus. 这个故事的重点是保密,母性,爱,姐妹和希望。 




敢于希望(Katie Davis Majors)-非小说类



我在圣诞节拿到这本书,并且一直在慢慢地努力。  Why slowly?  It's a pretty heavy read, laden 与 Bible passages and detailed stories from 的 author. 凯蒂的故事非同寻常。  Unconventional.  




在我们成为您之前(Lisa Wingate)  - fiction 

It's 1939 when four siblings are kidnapped from 的ir home and forced to live in an orphanage ran by cruel and manipulative staff.  One by one, 的 siblings are adopted and must live 与 的 trauma and secrecy.  Present day, a young woman set to marry, discovers that her family isn't exactly who 的y thought 的y were.  Through extraordinary life-altering moments, 的 reader is taken from past to present and back again, holding our breath to see if reunion will happen or if hope is lost. 这本书是基于真实的事件。

金妮·月亮(本杰明·路德维希)  - fiction
金妮(Ginny)正在寄养中,但设法通过Facebook找到了她的亲生母亲,这导致了一系列令人恐惧和令人心碎的事件。 金妮决心回去拿东西(某人),她认为当她从亲生母亲那里被带走时,她就留下了。   这部令人心碎的小说是您无法放下的。  




希望妈妈的加拿大pc指南(我!)-非小说类




Of course, I'll wrap up this list of fabulous must-read books 与 my latest.  I cover everything you need to know from 的 thinking-about-adopting stage to 的 months after an 采用 finalization.  I insert plenty of wit, but mostly, it's just wisdom from a decade of 经验 in 的 采用 community.  

快乐阅读,快乐学习,快乐暑假! 








2017年11月7日星期二

亲 Sugar: Honoring National Adoption Month 与 希瑟·阿维斯(Heather Avis)

亲爱的糖,

寄养。跨种族加拿大pc。特殊需求。 Open 采用.  

这些只是几件事 希瑟·阿维斯(Heather Avis) 在她的书中探索 幸运的少数。我不能把这本书放下来!我能形容的最好方法是? Refreshing. She doesn't hold back, sharing her 经验s 与 her readers in a humble, authentic tone that has you tearing up one minute and laughing out loud 的 next.  

为了纪念全国加拿大pc月,请允许我向您介绍希瑟和她美丽的家庭:

雷切尔: 别人需要了解您什么? 

希瑟: My family is made up of my husband Josh, my self and our three kids Macyn (9), Truly (6), and 八月 (3). Josh and I have been married for 15 years and we are still crazy about one another! We adopted all three of our 儿童ren and all of 的m were born in California, which is where we live. All three came home as babies and our son we got to bring home from 三天大的医院。我们的 eldest and youngest have Down 综合症 and our middle 女儿是不同的种族 比我们我们喜欢 adventure and spend time 与 our friends and family. We always have something going. Doing life well and fully 与 others is important 给我们。它确实需要一个村庄!

雷切尔: Your book title is 的 first thing that caught my eye and lured me into buying it!  So often those of us who adopt are told how lucky our kids are to have us as 的ir parents. 我们通常被视为救世主和超级英雄。  But truly, we, 的 parents, are 的 lucky ones. 所以告诉我,你为什么把书命名为“幸运儿”?  And what does "luck" have to do 与 采用?  

希瑟: The lucky few is 的 idea 我们当中没有多少人有亲人 with Down 综合症 and not many of us answer 的 call to adopt, but those of us who do are few and very lucky! I think luck may have everything and nothing to do 与 采用。我认为以这种方式将一个家庭联系在一起确实有一定的运气。例如我长子的出生 父母出生在亚美尼亚, 早在她出生之前就来到加利福尼亚,而我的中女儿的出生母亲出生于 危地马拉,并前往 California long before my daughter was born and here 的y are as sisters. It's really kind magical. 

雷切尔:Like you, when we initially decided to adopt, we held onto misconceptions, stereotypes (about 采用), and self-preservation. 我们想要“快速而简单”。 但是加拿大pc不是“快速简便”,而是吗?  For my readers who are considering 采用, what do you want 的m to know that you wish you would have known when you started your journey? 

希瑟: I think this is almost a trick question ;). I've found 的 reality of life is we can't know what we don't know and we have to experience 实际的东西 know it. So while 我有很多事情 想要告诉人们正在考虑采用的事物,例如: sooo much more than you already are; and birth families are a gift if you can have one; and let go of every single expectation you have ever had about becoming a parent; and it's going to be so freaking difficult; and it's going to be so freaking worthy no matter how difficult; and don't give up no matter what, 的 reality people can hear it but can't fully know it if 的y don't experience it. 

雷切尔: You chose to adopt two 儿童ren 与 特殊需求.  I know that this scares a lot of people (and it scared you also initially, as you share in 的 book!).  One of my 采用 mottos that I share 与 my readers is "make decisions out of education, not out of ignorance."  但是,无论您有多么充分的准备和受过良好的教育,特殊的需求还是一个未知数。  What gets you through 的 dark days, 的 confusion, 的 fear, 的 uncertainty?   And what is it REALLY like to parent 儿童ren 与 特殊需求?  

希瑟: 当我们决定是否要与唐氏领养我们的女儿时 我一直在思考综合症,“我可以 give birth to 确切地说她是谁。”事实是,我们几乎没有 控制我们的孩子被加拿大pc与否。如果我怀有唐氏综合症的孩子,我不会对她说不,那么为什么我要拒绝加拿大pc孩子呢? 唐氏综合症?教育肯定是有帮助的,但没有很多 learning or 可以将妈妈的心嫁给孩子的研究。最后,我的孩子们 with Down 综合症是我的孩子,这就是所有的事情。任何妈妈都可以告诉您,当您的孩子是您的孩子时,似乎没有其他问题。事实是,当我们把大女儿带回家时,我们意识到 综合症是一种礼物,那就是 最终导致我们采用 second child with Down 综合症. When I answer the 问题,“父母亲 child with special needs?" 的 people asking need to recognize I 没什么不同,所以对我来说,这很“正常”。还有一些附加功能,例如 weekly therapies for 发展和成长,还有那么多医生 appointments, most during 的 first couple years, but really, raising a 儿童 与唐 syndrome is like raising a 儿童. Parenthood is no joke, 特殊需求 or not! I also say 的 most difficult part of raising a 儿童 与唐 sender has little to do 与唐 综合症 and everything to do 与 to world in which we live. The majority of 适当的系统是为没有 special needs. The world has yet to figure out to to create a space for people 与唐 综合症 to be exactly who 的y are and to be 作为那个人成功。 目前我最难 aspect of raising a child 与 Ds is 的 school systems and every other system in place. My kids are gold, 的 systems not so much. 

雷切尔: 您和您的家人接下来要做什么? 你会再加拿大pc吗? 写另一本书? 

希瑟: 我们不打算再次采用。我们有能力并且完全满意。我们认为我们的家庭已经成长了。  话虽如此,当我们着手 parenthood  我们从没想过我们会采用, especially not children 与 DS. So we know God knows best and we are always ready to step where He calls us. Hopefully that won't be towards another kid! But if it is, we'll step up for sure. Also, if someone were to hand me a brand new baby most likely I'm taking that kid! And I am currently working on my 第二 book. Writing up a proposal and 希望它能被发布者获取。因此,我们将看到!!!

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